Stop This Ride I Want Off

Ok, I chickened out a little

2009-08-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

I admit I chickened out a little bit, had this great speech planned and was even thinking of playing World of Warcraft again with him, but we got in a fight in the car. He was trying to ask me how I would feel if he went to a convention with a bunch of guys about, well, the parties I do. I politely reminded him that compared to him going away for "work" and hanging out in Petulama during spring break, or New Orleans during Mardi Gras or even going to the clubs in SanFanscico that he did not hang out in his hotel like I did and that the only time I left was to go to a place called Friendly's for dinner. I never raised my voice or got mad but he got defensive pretty quick (LOL actually he told me I was getting defensive) and was just pissy the rest of the day.

Put my foot down on one of his friends

2009-08-22T17:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, sorry I have been away so long but between trying to get things going for school for me and my son going into kindergarten, not to mention this seems to be birthday season for the kids I just have not been able to concentrate.

The other night one of my husbands friends came over to play video games, he is young, single, no girlfriend and well nice, he doesn't seem to understand that sometimes when the wife goes to bed you should excuse yourself and leave. He stays to somewhere between 2-6am most times he comes over and the other day while laying in bed I heard just one more for the billionth time I got out of bed and kicked him out. Literally, I kicked him out and I hate to have to get well b****y with him but I could not take it anymore. We fought about it after he left and I was like this is ridiculous, once or twice a month is fine but 2-4 times a week, I pointed out that I am your wife not a roommate and this very much intrudes on my time especially when he works nights 1 or 2 nights a week on top of his friend all but living here.

So today my husband is in Tacoma (about 3 hours away) and I am home with the kids, which is fine he should have a break and is playing in a gaming tournament with this friend. I informed my husband last night that the games need to be cut back when he gets back. He needs to be off at least a few hours a day.

I did used to play World of Warcraft with him and I will probably start again soon but after we have set some gaming limits. I hope to start school online this October if I get the approval to use his GI Bill by than. He will need to step up and help more plus I am getting more leads for parties so I will definitely need his help. Wish me luck on setting boundaries with these games. He feels like I am being his mom but I feel like he is ignoring everything........Cross your fingers!!!

Sometimes I don't know...........

2009-08-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my husband was not addicted to video games. There are several woman that will probably read this and totally know where I am coming from and a few guys who are going to think "that sounds like my wife". We did learn a lot from the videos so now instead of yelling at each other all day long we are more respectful but since I have come home it seems like my husband has gotten more drawn into his games.

He will probably not agree with this statement but since he works one day shift, one night shift and than 2 days off his first day off starts this way, get off and home at 830, check his characters than go to bed, wake up around 3ish and jump on the computer, if I am lucky enough to have dinner done when he is not on a run or in a battleground he might eat with us; than back on the video game and of course he stays up till at least 230 playing since he slept most the afternoon. His next day off follows the same pattern and I do not know how to get him to see that he has ignored everyone all day.

So what do you do??? It seems like a stupid thing to argue about or even divorce over but I do not know how to get him to see my point of view.

The Problem with goning on Vacation

2009-07-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

The problem with going on vacation is coming back. Within hours of getting home I was sitting in the ER with my youngest who had a ear infection. My husband was a little annoyed but seemed to be more annoyed with himself for being annoyed. That is a very confusing sentence but it was a 2 hour drive home (we were still at my moms) when I insisted on going to the ER since he was pulling his ears and crying and that would have been a very long drive home through the mountains. He than realized he was supposed to be at home and online at 9pm for his draft picks and felt guilty for feeling bad that he was going to miss it. My younger brother was available and picked his draft pick to help him out. I understand my husbands predicament; its like when you start out feeling annoyed because your kids woke you up from a dead sleep to find out later that they were really sick, there's guilt there.

Getting back in the routine with my kids is hard enough but since I babysit 3 more boys (getting a baby girl to babysit next week) has been difficult as well. I watch some good kids so it is not much of a complaint but to be totally honest I would rather just do my parties and spend my days hanging out with my kids and just hanging out. I would love to have time to go the gym or even drive to Portland to go the mall in the middle of the week. I keep thinking how much fun it would be to go to the zoo and since I only have one day off a week right now (planning on changing that soon) I tend to just "veg" on Sundays or try to get a lot of errands done. Going to convention has basically opened my eyes to how I really want to just do my parties and help other woman get the schedule they want too. So now time to come up with a game plan. Plus get better with my time still want to go back to school so for the next few months I will be babysitting 5 days a week, parties 3 days a week, school will be in there as well (online classes) and being a mom.

I'm Back

2009-07-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

So much to catch up trying to keep it all straight. First we did finish the series and my husband is like it nailed me to a "T" and I hope you understood what he was saying. So I have to tell you if you have ever had more than one fight where he was saying, "you don't respect me," and "I feel like a paycheck" and you have said or thought "you don't love me" or probably more often "I don't feel appreciated" I totally recommend this series. It is Christian based and even though we are not active in any church it did not rub any body the wrong way. It was funny, easy to sit thru, each video has about 3 stopping points for group discussion which is what we aimed for when we watched it and we have not had a major argument in awhile and both seem to have a better understanding of the other. I will read a link to it at the bottom for those that are interested. I promise I don't know the guy so he is not paying me to say this it was recommended by the Chaplin and I believe we both took a lot out of it.

Second my trip. It was so great to get away and hang out with a bunch of For Your Pleasure Girls. So great, we had a few motivational speakers who deal directly with Direct Sales Belinda Elinsworth, who is a great speaker, funny, energetic with out being bubbly and annoying (you know the type they make a lot of exercise videos LOL), Steve Wiltshire who was very nice and does not quite have the same energy level but did have a lot of great information to share and Susie Bright will call her a pioneer in the adult toy industry. So great speakers, lots of females and a handful of husbands who were there to be supportive plus had a sitter for there kids for while they were gone. If you are over 18 and interested feel free to click here and check out my site.

Got home and my youngest stood there yelling at me for a few before I got my hug and believe it or not I had to distract my oldest from the video game. My husband surprised me at the airport which was great with my mom and we spent a little bit of time together until we realized the baby had a ear infection. So we took him to the ER before our two hour drive home. The house was very clean and I feel like I was missed. I just wanted to give a quick update and will go more into it when I have more time.

We have been slacking

2009-07-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

This last week has been very busy so we are determined to start the 3rd video tonight. The first night we were supposed to start I was sooo very tired, I did not have my thyroid medicine for like 2 days and it wiped me out, the other night we went and watched Transformers together so tonight is the night.

I will be leaving next week for my first ever trip with no husband and no kids in like 9 years. I am nervous; I am married to a gamer who easily looses track of time while playing on the X-Box 360 or the computer. He has promised me not to play until the little monster is in bed. I am hoping this makes Zander a little less attached to my leg all the time (I love it but sometimes I need a break) and gives my husband a little more appreciation for what I do. I do not have a hard life by any means, I do not think the Lord has given me more than I can handle but I think my husband still has the few of a wife staying home watching TV, kicking back and not what it really takes to take care of our 2 boys (I also babysit 3 more boys Mon-Sat to help with the income).

I am excited to start tonight's video and will let you know how that goes.

Busy Week

2009-06-26T09:27:00.000-07:00

We have finished video 2, hubby re-enlisted, finally got half off the money the shady girl owes me and I realize how tired I am of pinching pennies.

I hope my husband really paid attention to Video 2, its more of what a female needs and I am sure my husband wants me to pay attention to Video 3 which we will start on Sunday. There is one fight we always have and it is me saying "spend more time with me". He does see it as we are together all the time but to me he is in the same room and not with me. i married a gamer and I am ok with that but playing video games is sooooo not focusing on me. He explains this as woman needing face to face time and if you can just find a few minutes to do this your wife will be very happy. I also like how he explains that if when you are listing all the time together there is social time (family at the park, hanging out with friends, etc) and that going to the movie is shoulder to shoulder not face to face. Makes perfect since to me but I am hoping a man saying it in his manly way my husband picks up on it.

I brought my husband cup cakes when he did his oath today and reenlisted. I almost got him a cake but the bakery person was not there to make sure I was getting the frosting he likes. I felt kind of silly bringing cupcakes to a grown mans event but I felt very proud of him and know that he will see the gesture as something loving and not say this is what you bring to the kids school. I also know he works with a bunch of guys and simple is better. He was a little nervous about the term indefinite being on his paperwork but this morning woke up with a new perspective as in this is the last time I have to sign my life away. He can retire at 38 and that is a nice a fact for him and I am proud of him. He does not fight in a war but he does search and rescue and there are lots of people who are very grateful to him and my heart swells with pride, not a high paying job but that really doesn't matter he makes a difference in a positive way and we LOVE him.

Today we start Video 2

2009-06-23T09:58:00.001-07:00

We finished Video 1 during my husbands 3 day's off and today we start Video 2. He works 12 hour shifts so we both agreed days he works would not be the best. So the first one was the crazy cycle and it is Chrisitian based for those of you that are curious. He is funny and well some of the things he said pertain to us, my husband is always telling me I do not respect him (I of course think I am but its perception) and I alaways say you do not appreciate me. Another joy of being a military wife is that every few years I have to look for a new job in a new environment and well basically my dreams of having a great career have fallen by the wayside.

So if this sounds familiar maybe you should think of trying this video the harmful cycle we get into is-she doesn't feel loved so she reacts without respect, he feels disrepected so he reacts without love. Trying not to cross any lines here that is the basis of the series and well we both can see this in each other.

We have not had any petty fights since we started watching and I think it has been great for both of us to hear a neutral person sort of validating our feelings. So no male bashing, or female bashing and does say that neither person is wrong.

Check this out from amazon.

Sometimes I am glad I live in a house full of boys.

2009-06-22T21:13:00.000-07:00

The number one perk of having two sons is they are both mama's boys. Thru and thru let me tell you these are mine, yes they have a big soft spot for daddy, but 9 out of 10 times it is me they run to when they have an ouie to be kissed or need somebody just to give them a hug.

Another reason is that I will not have to go thru and explain to a little girl that even though she is bombarded by pictures everyday of what is "sexy" that she is perfect in her own right. I took my son grocery shopping and in the magazine section it is really hard not to find a cover with a woman on it, Men's fitness have both a girl and a guy, every woman's mag, and 98% of all men's magazine has a chick on the front. So we get to the counter and there is one of those magazines that takes a reasonably attractive person and has focused in on some cellulite on the back of her thighs and the them is basically "who's hot and who's not". The cover is just covered with beautiful woman and focusing on her "perks" or her human flaws. Seriously like we need more pressure.

On the other side of this I will have to teach them to see a person for who they are not what they look like, that outer beauty is great but it means nothing if it just shells an ugly person. So despite the songs on the radio, TV shows, and movies (since we can all agree sex sales) that we should be a good person and treat ALL people with respect. That even though some people can base there entire career on dressing and acting the part is that really what we want to be with or act like.

I keep seeing the commercial for the show Kendra, and my husband was like who is this person and why do I care. I informed him that it was one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends and that she left his home to marry someone. The commercial was about her going to the in-laws and talking about how her chest would stick out. I am sure she is a nice person, but again everything about her has been based on looks alone and all I could think of was please do not let my boys come home with somebody that self absorbed. I feel bad for feeling that way but........I do. I know somebody is going to read this and think but I love those shows and I am not saying there is anything wrong with them but reality shows of sort of celebrities have taken over and lets be honest they all promote the same thing and I just hope our kids do not pick up on all of it.

The "JOYS" of being a Military wife

2009-06-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

I do not remember if I told you but I am married to a man in the Coast Guard. Now my biological father was Navy and my dad Army. I think between my uncle (Marine) and grandpa (Air force) I had covered everything but Coast Guard; the irony is I remember being just poor as a kid and I told myself I would never, ever marry a man in the military. Well ladies and gentlemen your mom was right when she said never say never.

My husband works on rotating watch schedule. Similar to a fireman but changes every place we go and then changes again at a whim. Hard to make plans for the holidays, vacations, or if you need to work around his schedule to save on daycare, good luck you will need it.

Tomorrow is Fathers Day and my dad is about two hours away, with the price of gas being the way it is I can not afford to see him on a whim and to make it better my husband is working. He works 12 hour shifts tomorrow is 8-8 starting in the am and than Monday he will work 8pm and get home 8 am Tuesday. So being a good wife, mother, and daughter is sometimes like a balancing act. I do have a great dad who understands so he got a nice card and will receive a phone call from me and his grandsons, my husband was given a cake today along with the cards from his sons, and tomorrow a card from me. His boys will also call him tomorrow because what could warm your heart more than your oldest telling you he loves you and your youngest making a bunch of noise since he doesn't talk much.

These are just some of the JOYS you get as a military wife. It takes a strong man to be in the military and to be fair a stronger woman to marry one. (smile it is just joke, maybe!!!)

LOL, he forgot for a minute

2009-06-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Alright so he went and played basketball with the boys and he got all stoked to play a fighting game when he got home where I politely mouthed to him (don't want to embarrass him in front of his boys) that we did have plans and so he rescheduled for today. We watched about half of the first video and seriously some of the discussions were about us. Very general of course but I think they could go for most relationships, he talked about woman and dieting and men and marriage books.

I tried to explain to my husband how just saying things like really are you going to eat that, or taking something away saying you don't need this probably is NOT the most positive approach. I have actually told him why don't you volunteer to go walking with me and the kids--that would be good for all of us so maybe he understood what this guy was saying as far as how woman hear this conversation.

He also talked about woman buying marriage books and how men take it. The funny thing even though most likely in both situations the other has everyone best interest at heart we both hear it as you need to change or we wont love you. The part that I loved is how he pointed out if men bought us a book to go help our relationship we would call our friends bragging about what a great guy he is and how we were soul mates. I got to be honest yes I would be bragging about it. I remember years ago (and by that I mean at least 8 years ago before I was even pregnant with our first) not wanting to cook and while he was going to run a errand hoping he would volunteer to get us dinner on the way back and while I am secretly hoping for this; he turns around and says 'hey do you want me to bring home kfc' I knew than we were almost perfect.

There have been a ton of ups and downs and well I love him...........so hopefully we will work them out and come out ahead.

Just A Reminder

2009-06-18T13:01:00.001-07:00

So, my husband worked the night shift last night so we had agreed to start watching The Love and Respect series we got from the Chaplin tonight. I know my husband has selective memory and he was working with one of his friends so I sent a reminder text about our plans tonight. Lets be honest it would be more fun to spend the evening playing poker and video games with the guys instead of watching a better marriage video with your wife, right.

This morning he comes home and gives me and the boys our good morning kiss and wanted to know if it was ok to play basketball with the boys and watch the video after. The kids would be asleep and we can pay attention and I said yes, of course. Very happy that he took the time to make sure I would not think he was blowing me off. We start tonight. I am very excited.

I think we made Progress!!!!

2009-06-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

Today we went to talk to the Chaplin at the base. It was good and whether or not you believe in counseling you have to admit the fact that he was willing to go really meant he was willing to work on us. I have heard all the reasons not to go from him and despite this he still went.

We talked about our style of arguing or dealing with confrontation and we will be trying a series that deals with things both men and women need. Covering a lot of means need to be respected and treated like a man and a woman's need to be loved.

He works tomorrow so we will start the series over the weekend.

He still surprises me!!

2009-06-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

This year we will have been married for 9 years and have known each other for 10 and after this big blow up we had the other day he was very supportive of me thinking of going back to school. When we moved to Florida 5 years ago I started learning about IT work and got a job at Alienware building computers, worked there for about a year and than started to look for software experience. Well there was only one place that gave everybody a job that would give me some software experience and raised my income so I took it. The place was horrible and let me tell you they hired everyone to treat them like crap. Lucky for me at the end of my 3 mos I did it I got my dream job so it took 1 year of classes (and waiting tables), about 1.4year at Alienware (great place to work sucky pay), TAG 3 mos better pay but sucky hours and horrible treatment all pays off. THAN my husband gets transferred to a very small town on the other coast line so we can be near my family. Best gesture in the world only problem no jobs well at least no jobs for what I do. So I am babysitting and doing For Your Pleasure Parties and making enough to get by but not much else.

This has made me think what job can I do that I can find everywhere. I came up with 3 possibilities Accounting, Nursing, or Nutritionist. So I don't want to get on a schedule where I don't see my kids so I decide on Accounting, I am good with Math and well great with money. A little unorganized but I can work on that. My husband is all for it so I now I just need to go thru and find out how to get enough financial aid.

Why do we hit below the belt??

2009-06-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

Alright so another night another fight and when the gloves come off well there is no stopping. If you have been together for awhile than you know exactly what buttons to push to get the other person going and depending on what is going on you probably use them.

Lately I have been trying not to and let me tell you it is hard when the other person has not decided the same thing. I mean honestly how can I stop being, well a B%$#, if he always hits below the belt. I have tried to get the last word in less which to my surprise makes him feel guiltier. I do not plan that I actually try to think what will I win if I say this to hurt him. Sometimes I do the right thing and other times, I am just human. I love him to death and Monday we are going to go to counseling maybe it will help a little.

Time is not my friend

2009-06-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

So I have been working on being better with time this year. I have 3 blogs that I write on, babysit, I do those parties and well a few other projects on the side plus I am trying to get back into shape so I can no longer look pregnant. What can I say I have had 2 c-sections and well that muscle down there is mad.

Things I have been trying is I joined a online group called girlie goals that list your goals for the day or the week. It is like an online to do list and you are held more accountable by the fact that others can see it. I find myself to be a lot more productive if I have my To Do List the day before. I have to be honest when I wake up I feel like ok let me get this stuff done so I can just chill tonight. I don't always get everything done but I have been more productive. It is hard for me to take me time to workout but I have been learning to do and soon my littlest munchkin will be in school. The best thing I can recomend is start with the things you hate (for me laundry and dishes) and than go to the things you don't mind as much.

Some books that may help.

Why do all guys same the same thing???

2009-06-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

OK, I have more than one friend having problems with there spouse, boyfriend or whatever significant other they might have and we are all having the same fight(s). Like I remember everything you say to me but forgot/didn't hear when you asked me to help with the dishes. Another fight we all seem to be having is being in the same building as us is not spending time with us. Lets be honest you are doing your thing and I am well doing everything else.

So believe it or not I do talk to my mom about these things. She is helpful for the most part; she doesn't instantly say to leave him which is what our friends say that do have our best interest at heart but they are going thou the same thing and are frustrated just like you. She does not understand why but did tell me that men some times like to say things to hurt our feelings and push our buttons. I think the order of those two things vary. I guess my dad when he got really mad took out the phone book to look up divorce lawyers-let me tell you he would NEVER leave my mom but all is far in love and war. She might kill me for posting this but I am like why would he do that? My dad overheard one of the things my husband said and just laughed. Apparently he knew what was going on and thought it was funny, or maybe just had a flash to his youth.

I don't yet have an answer for this ladies, and if you are a guy reading this I am sure you are thinking about the buttons we girls push I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this.

Some People are just Shady!!!

2009-06-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

I try to be a good person, and I think most people generally are, but there is always this person you run into who tries to take advantage of your good nature. I am realistic and as much as I want to think all my work at home adventures are going to make me rich (or well richer than I am now) I babysit so I can buy groceries and well keep doing so until I am making X amount of dollars a month. So 2 of the 3 moms I sit for get paid by the state, and it looks like one is going to screw me over, even though she does not pay out of pocket. She just started working in May and she works part-time so I get her paperwork at the beginning of the month, at least that is what she said. The idiot that I am is still waiting for the paperwork that she said would be here 4 days ago.

Do you actually take a person to court for $220? I am feeling kind of b#*^&# and trying to get a hold of the state to get paid so I am giving it until Monday at 11 am before I go to the welfare office and try to find her case worker and maybe even tell the owners daughter about how the girl had to call off from work because she went drinking. I mean come on the girl barely works 20 hours a week if that. Still trying to figure out if it is worth it, I am trying to be positive but seriously I just got cheated out of being paid even when the girl did not have to come out of pocket. That's is hard to deal with it.

I could have married rich!!!!

2009-06-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, I admit I would not have married for money, but I was always told "there is a rich man out there for everybody." I was even given advice on where to hang out to meet them....LOL I married a military man instead. So not rich, not broke but just in the middle class section. We made bad decisions when we were younger (I know I was not the only one) so it seems like I am always playing catch up.

Living on a budget sucks.... I hate it but I am learning and sometimes I splurge. The hardest thing has been miscomunication. I go buy clothes or something we need but while I am out hubby sees money sitting in the account and takes it out; forgetting I told him I was going to buy stuff and also forgetting that he just saw me mail 3 checks. So today I am going to wire money to our bank (its in another state) to make sure nothing bounces. Actually though out of all the times we have done this dance in the last 8.5 years this one was the fastest caught and easiest fixed.

This used to be a big stress in our marriage but since we have gotten things a little bit more in control I have to admit I am feeling better and soon feel like we will actually have a little left over instead of being a little short.

Here are some books you might like, picked one from both catergories.

The kids took my body, and gave me this weight........

2009-05-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know it is my fault that I weight what I weight; well mine, genetics, DNA, and lets not forget the C-sections I have had from my boys. I am as guilty as every other person who has had a job, chased after kids when I get home and put myself last on my list. I have recently decided to put myself back on the list and feel better.

You still feel guilty espicially with my little one. He is still convinced that it is important to jump on me, hold me and always want me to get him a drink as soon as I start to workout. I will admit I almost done with week 2 and well I think as a rule you should get the body that is on the package as soon as you push play, since that is not how it works I will update on how I do as I go.

Some stuff you may find intresting!!

Feeling Guilty

2009-05-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am feeling a little guilty about starting this blog; but I feel that a lot of woman are in the same place I am. First a little background I have been married for almost 9 years now and well I do not know how much longer we are going to make it work. Feeling very quilty about that we have two boys that we both adore and neither one of us wants to be apart from them. My oldest will be 7 this September and our youngest (since I only have two) is going to be turning 2 years old in the same month. We got married young, he was 20 and I was 22 and had our first kid at 24 and he turned 22 4 days after the birth of our first. So.....not old by any means but there are people having kids younger than we were and some work, some don't.

He is in the military and we just moved to a very small town in Oregon so for a little while we can live near my parents. Plus there were a few times where I wanted to leave him but nothing makes you feel more trapped than living across the country from your family and any help you may have. So I left my job which paid just under $18 an hour to a town where they dont have a job that pays that much, so I now babysit and have been trying to work from home online. I do For Your Pleasure Parties, online Travel Agency (Traverus) and soon will be working on SEO progects and hopefully wont be babysitting much longer.

I feel like I am doing a lot and he feels like I am not doing enough of well anything........UGH so it begins...........